Lita's Story

This is Lita!

My name is Lita, and I am a craft whore.  I am at my happiest when I’m making something with my hands. That is what defines me, first and firstmost.  But, whether I like it or not, lurking close by in the background is the disease I have lived with, for around half of my life, another big definer of me. I am a sufferer of severe depression and anxiety.

For years I refused to admit it. To me depression was something that happened to other people. This opinion was reinforced  by those closest to me, when I asked for advice, when I asked for help. I was told it was nothing, to just think happy thoughts, it was all just in my head. So I believed it, and kept my feelings to myself, for many years. I struggled to move past some hard times in life, without saying a word to anyone around me. It was always just shrugged off, kind of like the moodiness and difficulty coping was just a part of me, a part of my personality. To this day, those closest to me still don’t know how dark it got. Because I believed them all when they said I was fine. I found ways to cope, or so I thought, and I just kept pushing through, making it through the days.

Banner made by Lita

 It wasn’t until after the birth of my first daughter that the cracks really started showing. I couldn’t keep the mask up anymore  and I finally asked a professional for help.  I was given a prescription and sent to a counsellor. The sessions made me feel worse, and so did the meds. So we changed the meds, I stopped seeing the counsellor, and things just kept getting worse. This went on for a couple of years before I called it quits with the whole thing and stopped my meds. I now know what a stupid thing that was to do, but at the time it seemed my only solution.  Life continued, with me plodding along, coping with depression while trying to raise a child. I know I only made it through because of the support of my partner, and I thank the stars for him every single day.

I gave birth to my second child in 2007, and while life wasn’t perfect, I seemed to be doing better. Then in 2008 I had a major setback after a particularly difficult private situation. I went downhill rapidly. Blocking people out, withdrawing into my shell, pushing everyone away and letting the depression tighten it’s grip yet again, tighter than ever before. And still, I refused to admit just how dire the situation was. It wasn’t until late last year(2010) that I finally went for help again.

I’m still now juggling meds to find the right combo (on doctors orders of course) and struggling through it all. I know more about the disease now, and understanding that it is a real physical problem has helped me cope with it, helped ease the stigma in my mind at least. I am a long way from being ok, and I am terrified of every med change, knowing that the following weeks will be so difficult whilst I adjust. But I’m hanging in there, trying to find a way through. And while, yes, I can admit that I do need the medication, I have found help and comfort from another unexpected source. Craft.

Lita's Craft Desk

As I said, I am at my happiest when I am creating. For years I let that side of me slide, let depression tale over my life. But I am realising that even 10, 20, 30 minutes a day at my craft desk can lighten the load. I don’t have to create some epic masterpiece, I don’t even have to finish a piece, just being there, creating something, makes my heart heal just a bit. It’s my time, my little world where I please no-one but me. I can create with butterflies and flowers, or dark slashes of paint and ink. I’m not fitting to someone else’s mould, following any rules, I am simply being.

If I could give any advice to those suffering through depression, I simply want to say hang in there. Find that one thing that brings you even the tiniest bit of joy and cling to it. Craft, read a book, grow vegetables. Bake a cake, keep a journal, knit a sweater.  I’m not telling you it will solve all your problems, that craft will heal all. But it may just help you get through, even if just for a while.

 I know I’m in for a long battle, but craft, and the crafting community, along with my partner and my gorgeous girls, are what gets me through the day. It may not be a perfect life, but it’s mine, and I’m living it the best way I know how.

Favourite Things Journal by Lita

Thanks to Lita for submitting her story. If you'd like to leave comments please do so below-she'll be checking back and in case she misses them, I'll let her know. You can take a look at more of Lita's work at her Etsy shop, Artful Fancies, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter!

Laura's Story: Discovering and Coping with Depression

Laura Comito is an American artist who I ment on the world wide web. She has openly shared about her struggles with depression in a book entitled "Outside the Lines" by Laura L. Comito. Here is a little bit about her story:

Glass tile mosaic of Laura's hand print.
"The spiral on the palm is my life path and the hand symbolizes my need to work with my hands."

 I am an artist. I collect stuff- a lot of stuff. I am a mixed media collage artist which is a fancy way of saying packrat.

Mental illness runs in my family. Just part of what makes me who I am. My parents were undiagnosed but looking back I am pretty sure my father was bipolar and my mother was depressed. My older brother was severely autistic – at least that is the diagnosis we got- it was the late 50’s and to be honest the Doctors were never really sure.  In my early 20’s I started having trouble concentrating, couldn’t sleep and then when I did sleep wanted to sleep all day. I lost interest in pretty much everything that I enjoyed and isolated myself from family and friends. The worst was when I stopped collecting and creating. Then I knew something was wrong. That was the first time I heard about chemical depression.  It was the early 80’s and the meds for depression were awful. As soon as I started taking them I wanted to stop and I did as soon as possible. I was able to coast for about 15 years with out medication but I was not a fun person to live with and I pretty much operated at bare minimum which was not fair to my family.

"Dance We Must"-acrylic painting

After the birth of my 4^th child I knew something had to change. I went back to my Doctor and he told me I was depressed. Surprise huh? Then he looked me right in the eye and said you will need medication for the rest of your life. I got a little hostile with him but then he said if you were diabetic you would take insulin everyday wouldn’t you? This is no different.  (Today’s antidepressants are much better than the old school meds.)

That was the turning point for me. That was when I realized the only way to live with depression was to take ownership of it. I AM DEPRESSED and I am not afraid to talk about it.  I published a book about my depression because I wanted to let people know they are not alone.  One of the ways I cope with depression is to do something creative everyday.  Collage, sew, knit, or write...whatever I am in the mood to do. Art keeps me grounded.  Art keeps that pit far away from me.

Laura and her self portrait. Charcoal on canvass.
completed "a few weeks before I was diagnosed with depression"

ARTWORKS STUDIO

           ...where coloring outside the lines is encouraged!

Laura L Comito

507 N Main Street

Carroll, IA 51401

(712)775-2035

www.artworksandbeads.com

http://laura-comito.blogspot.com/

Lisa's Story

My next guest blogger is a neighbour of mine! I met Lisa when I was knitting in a new cafe that opened up across the street from my house. She walked up and commented on my knitting and explained that she was a knitter too-and we've been connected ever since! I have seen her wonderful knits on her beautiful baby granddaughter and always admired her work. Lisa responded to my call for guest bloggers as a friend on Facebook and so she graciously shares her story below:

My dad in the 1920s
 in knitwear head to toe

I know a bit about craft and mental illness.  Those who know me best are laughing out loud at that statement ;-)  I sew, quilt and knit.  Crafting is laden with family memories – all the women in family were/are knitters, from grandmas , mom, sister, to the next generation of daughter and nieces.  So that makes me happy and reminds me of those loving ties as I knit.

My Mom, who passed away a year ago.
 I was thrilled when I found this photo.

  

As for the mental illness, I have bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression.  Which means lots of time under the black cloud, unable to do much; and briefer periods of increased energy and joy…till it gets crazy and I crash again.  One big, scary rollercoaster.  So how do the mental illness and craft interact?  When I’m low, knitting is usually the first activity I can pick up again, and I’m convinced it helps soothe and cheer me.  When I’m high and agitated, knitting acts like meditation – slows me down and grounds me.  

My sister (aged 11) designed and knit 

this intarsia animal baby blanket for me.

 She is still the most magnificent, fearless knitter I know.

I’ve seen knitting help others, as well.  I’ve been in and out of hospital many times, and a bag of knitting supplies is always the first thing my husband brings to me.  And once I’m out in the ward knitting (after the staff have confiscated all sharps like scissors and cable needles!), it doesn’t take long for people to approach, fascinated, asking to learn how to knit, or for some spare needles and yarn to cast on.  And what do my fellow patients tell me?  “My mother used to knit for me”; or, “my grandmother taught me to knit.”   During my last hospital stay I knit three sweet dresses for my baby granddaughter.  And  I know she will be a knitter.  

Lisa and granddaughter, safe and warm in a whole lot of knitwear

Mary's Story

Allow me to introduce Mary Breen! Mary operates a beautiful shop in our neighbourhood filled with one of a kind hand made gifts. She is constantly finding ways to get involved, to give to people in need and to support the arts. She is one of my personal heroes. Here is her story:

I’ve had depression for 31 one years.  At least that’s how long I’ve been receiving treatment; it might have started earlier.  No surprise there.  A great many of my family members have depression or other forms of mental illness.  So I know I could have it a lot worse, say if my DNA code had called for schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder.  Mental illness just runs in my family.  I have long since come to terms with it.  In fact the only time I remember being aware of the “stigma” was when my father was in and out of hospital, and everyone around me was weird about it.  As far as I’m concerned, this treatable disease is no different, and in a lot of ways preferable, to any number of physical ailments that might negatively impact my quality of life.  And, as an aside, you wouldn’t balk at insulin for diabetes, so why say no to drugs for this disease?

My life is definitely one of quality, and a big part of the reason is craft (also art, dance, theatre, literature...).  It’s imperative that I have a creative outlet, and it’s always been that way.  Along with the depression, I inherited a very dominant crafty gene!  My mother and all my foremothers, especially the spinster aunts, always had projects on the go.  No woman in my family ever sat down without something in her lap to work on (that’s the hereditary work ethic poking its nose in where it doesn’t necessarily belong).  The talent of these women inspires me everyday.  I use their embroidered linens and meticulously hand-painted china, and enjoy the memory of all the crazy stuff my mum and I made when I was young. 

They say knitting lowers your blood pressure.  I’m sure that’s true for me (until I drop a stitch), and the same applies to painting, drawing, needlepointing, felting, soap-making and most any other artistic activity I pursue.  Though making can be exhilarating too.  And best of all, it gets you out of your head.  The chatter stops, the self-censoring stops, and the joy flows.  It does a body – and mind – good.  Between the drugs, the crafts, a loving partner and amazing (also crafty) daughters, I’ve got everything I need for good health.

Mary Breen

Owner, Wise Daughters Craft Market

www.wisedaughters.com

P.S. Here’s a photo of the smocked dress one of my relatives made for my mother, who was born in 1925.  It hangs in the shop.

So What is Depression Anyway?

Well first of all I am not a clinician. I am not a doctor or therapist. I am an individual that has a diagnosis of depression and has received treatment and I would say is in "recovery". Depression is something I will always have to watch out for. It is a serious medical condition.
 Our minds and bodies are not separate, they are connected and so depression is not a weakness or a character flaw, it is in the biology. Clinical Depression is an illness, like cancer, or lupis, or any other physical illness. It took me a while to accept this.
Depression sucks because it is an extremely isolating condition. When you are depressed the last thing you want to do is call up a friend and talk about it.  You lose the interest in getting together with others and interest in the things that you usually like to do.
Negative thoughts are a biggie for people with depression. These thoughts tend to spiral downward and get really dark. They can be self deprecating. For example, you think your coworkers gossip about you at lunch, that you always look fat, and you can't do anything right.
Suicidal thoughts can enter into these persistent streams of negative thoughts. I always thought thinking about suicide is normal, but it isn't. Most people don't walk around feeling like they want to kill themselves. This is a sign of something serious going on and it is a huge indicator that you need help. Suicidal thoughts run the gamut. They can be something like "I want to jump in front of the next subway train" or "I wonder what would happen if I took this bottle of pills?" If you are thinking of harming yourself you need to get help now.
Sleeping A LOT or sleeping hardly at all. Both signs that something isn't quite right. Also, having little energy. Is it a fight just to walk up the stairs or make a meal? You may have the other end of the spectrum by having too much energy and feel like you are always geared up.
Another difficult symptom of depression is a drop in self care. When depression comes the last thing we do is take care of ourselves. We may be able to feed our kids and make sure they have clean clothes, but for us it is hard to take a shower, brush teeth, comb hair. Everything is a chore!
Depression can also manifest itself in physical pain or symptoms. These can include headaches, stomache pain or digestive upset, sore muscles, body aches. This isn't an exhaustive list, but you get the idea. For more on the symptoms of depression click here
Also, depression has a spectrum. A person can have varying degrees in the severity of the symptoms. I would say if you think your life has changed, that you are not feeling like the person you know you are, if the changes in your behavior have made your life more difficult to live then it would be worth looking into and getting help. And, as I said before suicidal thoughts, or attempting suicide is a strong warning to you that you need help.
These are the things I have learned about depression since getting treatment for it myself. I will say that it is difficult to deal with, but not impossible. My doctor told me that I don't have to feel this way. When I heard that I knew that I wanted to not feel so bad and decided to submit to some form of treatment. Today I feel a lot better. I am not so hard on myself and every day is a day I want to be alive for.

For more help with depression please find out about the resources in your area.