Janine's Story

The following blog post comes from guest blogger, Janine. More on Janine can be found at the Unfinished Project Project, "a blog about (eventually) getting things done."


I've had depressive episodes for more than thirty years now, on and off, although it took quite a while for me to realise what they were. The first episode came when I was in my final year of high school. I thought I was just burnt out and unmotivated, and did nothing about it. There was another bout in my final year at university, which I put down to similar reasons, but the crunch came about seven years ago, when I suddenly had a nervous breakdown; in the course of one evening I went from feeling reasonably normal, if a bit down (which is not unusual for me) to thinking of suicide. It was the most frightening experience of my life. I felt as though my personality had splintered and I had no real sense of who I was; I guess that's what is meant by disassociation.

I got help pretty quickly – drugs and therapy – but what did me as much good as anything was knitting. Although I was still going to work and seeing my friends, I didn't feel that I was functioning normally. For many weeks, I spent hours sitting on the floor knitting obsessively. While it didn't stop the distressing thoughts, it seemed to give me something else to focus on. I think the repetitive nature of knitting is soothing, and I found satisfaction in being able to make something. I'd stopped eating and doing other normal things, but I could still create, and that felt like a link to my old self.

It took several weeks before I began to resume any kind of normality, and a couple of years before I felt completely back to normal. I've had another couple of depressive episodes since then – work and family problems are definite triggers – but they haven't been as severe.

When I was diagnosed as clinically depressed it was almost a relief, as it helped explain what was wrong with me. From the start I decided to be pretty open about it – it's not as though it's easy to hide, after all. One thing that was heartening to me personally, but rather appalling on a wider level, was that many of my friends have had depressive episodes too, many of them recurring and severe. One of my friends has been sacked for having depression; if she'd had cancer or multiple sclerosis or any number of other illnesses, she'd have been offered help and sympathy. Instead, she was given the boot.

I'd like to see depression talked about more and not regarded as something shameful to be hidden. I think more people should know about depression, and how pervasive it is  – it's not something that sufferers can just 'snap out of'. If it were that easy, there would be not depressed people!

I think it's also important that people know that those who have depression, or have had it in the past, are not 'weird' or abnormal. It's just a disease – albeit a serious one – and people can recover from it. 

Lisa's Story

My next guest blogger is a neighbour of mine! I met Lisa when I was knitting in a new cafe that opened up across the street from my house. She walked up and commented on my knitting and explained that she was a knitter too-and we've been connected ever since! I have seen her wonderful knits on her beautiful baby granddaughter and always admired her work. Lisa responded to my call for guest bloggers as a friend on Facebook and so she graciously shares her story below:

My dad in the 1920s
 in knitwear head to toe

I know a bit about craft and mental illness.  Those who know me best are laughing out loud at that statement ;-)  I sew, quilt and knit.  Crafting is laden with family memories – all the women in family were/are knitters, from grandmas , mom, sister, to the next generation of daughter and nieces.  So that makes me happy and reminds me of those loving ties as I knit.

My Mom, who passed away a year ago.
 I was thrilled when I found this photo.

  

As for the mental illness, I have bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression.  Which means lots of time under the black cloud, unable to do much; and briefer periods of increased energy and joy…till it gets crazy and I crash again.  One big, scary rollercoaster.  So how do the mental illness and craft interact?  When I’m low, knitting is usually the first activity I can pick up again, and I’m convinced it helps soothe and cheer me.  When I’m high and agitated, knitting acts like meditation – slows me down and grounds me.  

My sister (aged 11) designed and knit 

this intarsia animal baby blanket for me.

 She is still the most magnificent, fearless knitter I know.

I’ve seen knitting help others, as well.  I’ve been in and out of hospital many times, and a bag of knitting supplies is always the first thing my husband brings to me.  And once I’m out in the ward knitting (after the staff have confiscated all sharps like scissors and cable needles!), it doesn’t take long for people to approach, fascinated, asking to learn how to knit, or for some spare needles and yarn to cast on.  And what do my fellow patients tell me?  “My mother used to knit for me”; or, “my grandmother taught me to knit.”   During my last hospital stay I knit three sweet dresses for my baby granddaughter.  And  I know she will be a knitter.  

Lisa and granddaughter, safe and warm in a whole lot of knitwear

Mary's Story

Allow me to introduce Mary Breen! Mary operates a beautiful shop in our neighbourhood filled with one of a kind hand made gifts. She is constantly finding ways to get involved, to give to people in need and to support the arts. She is one of my personal heroes. Here is her story:

I’ve had depression for 31 one years.  At least that’s how long I’ve been receiving treatment; it might have started earlier.  No surprise there.  A great many of my family members have depression or other forms of mental illness.  So I know I could have it a lot worse, say if my DNA code had called for schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder.  Mental illness just runs in my family.  I have long since come to terms with it.  In fact the only time I remember being aware of the “stigma” was when my father was in and out of hospital, and everyone around me was weird about it.  As far as I’m concerned, this treatable disease is no different, and in a lot of ways preferable, to any number of physical ailments that might negatively impact my quality of life.  And, as an aside, you wouldn’t balk at insulin for diabetes, so why say no to drugs for this disease?

My life is definitely one of quality, and a big part of the reason is craft (also art, dance, theatre, literature...).  It’s imperative that I have a creative outlet, and it’s always been that way.  Along with the depression, I inherited a very dominant crafty gene!  My mother and all my foremothers, especially the spinster aunts, always had projects on the go.  No woman in my family ever sat down without something in her lap to work on (that’s the hereditary work ethic poking its nose in where it doesn’t necessarily belong).  The talent of these women inspires me everyday.  I use their embroidered linens and meticulously hand-painted china, and enjoy the memory of all the crazy stuff my mum and I made when I was young. 

They say knitting lowers your blood pressure.  I’m sure that’s true for me (until I drop a stitch), and the same applies to painting, drawing, needlepointing, felting, soap-making and most any other artistic activity I pursue.  Though making can be exhilarating too.  And best of all, it gets you out of your head.  The chatter stops, the self-censoring stops, and the joy flows.  It does a body – and mind – good.  Between the drugs, the crafts, a loving partner and amazing (also crafty) daughters, I’ve got everything I need for good health.

Mary Breen

Owner, Wise Daughters Craft Market

www.wisedaughters.com

P.S. Here’s a photo of the smocked dress one of my relatives made for my mother, who was born in 1925.  It hangs in the shop.

So What is Depression Anyway?

Well first of all I am not a clinician. I am not a doctor or therapist. I am an individual that has a diagnosis of depression and has received treatment and I would say is in "recovery". Depression is something I will always have to watch out for. It is a serious medical condition.
 Our minds and bodies are not separate, they are connected and so depression is not a weakness or a character flaw, it is in the biology. Clinical Depression is an illness, like cancer, or lupis, or any other physical illness. It took me a while to accept this.
Depression sucks because it is an extremely isolating condition. When you are depressed the last thing you want to do is call up a friend and talk about it.  You lose the interest in getting together with others and interest in the things that you usually like to do.
Negative thoughts are a biggie for people with depression. These thoughts tend to spiral downward and get really dark. They can be self deprecating. For example, you think your coworkers gossip about you at lunch, that you always look fat, and you can't do anything right.
Suicidal thoughts can enter into these persistent streams of negative thoughts. I always thought thinking about suicide is normal, but it isn't. Most people don't walk around feeling like they want to kill themselves. This is a sign of something serious going on and it is a huge indicator that you need help. Suicidal thoughts run the gamut. They can be something like "I want to jump in front of the next subway train" or "I wonder what would happen if I took this bottle of pills?" If you are thinking of harming yourself you need to get help now.
Sleeping A LOT or sleeping hardly at all. Both signs that something isn't quite right. Also, having little energy. Is it a fight just to walk up the stairs or make a meal? You may have the other end of the spectrum by having too much energy and feel like you are always geared up.
Another difficult symptom of depression is a drop in self care. When depression comes the last thing we do is take care of ourselves. We may be able to feed our kids and make sure they have clean clothes, but for us it is hard to take a shower, brush teeth, comb hair. Everything is a chore!
Depression can also manifest itself in physical pain or symptoms. These can include headaches, stomache pain or digestive upset, sore muscles, body aches. This isn't an exhaustive list, but you get the idea. For more on the symptoms of depression click here
Also, depression has a spectrum. A person can have varying degrees in the severity of the symptoms. I would say if you think your life has changed, that you are not feeling like the person you know you are, if the changes in your behavior have made your life more difficult to live then it would be worth looking into and getting help. And, as I said before suicidal thoughts, or attempting suicide is a strong warning to you that you need help.
These are the things I have learned about depression since getting treatment for it myself. I will say that it is difficult to deal with, but not impossible. My doctor told me that I don't have to feel this way. When I heard that I knew that I wanted to not feel so bad and decided to submit to some form of treatment. Today I feel a lot better. I am not so hard on myself and every day is a day I want to be alive for.

For more help with depression please find out about the resources in your area.

Treating My Depression Through Craft

When I began this blog my intention was to write about how craft helped pull me out of depression and became an essential part of my treatment as well as my ongoing emotional and mental health. I guess I realized I didn't really feel like writing about my struggles while going through them and it was much more productive to concentrate on the stuff I love and post about that.

I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you out there struggle with depression, mood disorders, or life situations that get you down. I feel without my craft, my hobbies I would be lost and perhaps this describes you as well. I have been thinking more and more how I could publish something on this blog that would be of benefit to the readers (if you are out there) and I have something in the works.

You're not alone, though depression is an extremely isolating condition. We have to learn how to take care of ourselves and to battle the negative thoughts and moods that seem to overwhelm us. No matter if you have been through depression in the past, are currently experiencing it,  have had a lifelong battle with it, or you are in the dark about your condition my hope is that the postings contained within this blog will be a source of hope, inspiration, commiseration, and a place to reflect.

LadeeBee- She is sometimes sad, but not always.